20 Something in LA LA land...

relationships

- My best friend is ecstatic in her relationship.  She got married last October and couldn't have waited one more second before she was able to say "my husband this or my husband that".  The day after Valentine's Day she called all of her friends to make sure we knew that her first V-day as a married couple was wonderful.  In almost every conversation that we have, she manages to slip in "aw, married life is great!"

- My other friend is taking another significant step in her relationship - she is moving in with her boyfriend of one year.  She vowed that she wouldn't move in with another boyfriend unless they were engaged, but alas, she didn't wait for the ring this time.  She is sure that he is right and I'm secretly hoping that he isn't.  I know her well, and I think she deserves much much better.  But it's all about learning through your own time and that is exactly what she needs to figure it out.

-I have another girlfriend who is 27 and a virgin.  She can't find a boyfriend for her life and believe me, she's tried everything - speed dating, online, being set up by friends, etc.  I feel so badly for her but the only advice I can giver her is to get wasted, have a (safe) one-night stand, and just get on with her life.  I truly feel that once the sex comes, the rest will too.

-My girfriend's divorced was just finalized on Saturday.  This is the girl who's husband was cheating on her for 1.5 years of their 2 year marriage.  No fun.  We had a little party for her Saturday night, complete with wine, food, and of course, lots and lots of lingerie to celebrate her new-found singleness.  She still broke out in tears a couple of times throughout the evening, but I have to say that she sure seems a lot happier these days.  I wish her all the luck in the world.

-My little 15 year old sister has been in a 3 month relationship with the guy of her dreams.  They were so cute, always together, supporting eachother, taking pictures together.  She emailed me this morning that he broke up with her yesterday and she is beyond devastated.  Ugh, I feel so badly for her.  Remember young love?  Could be so great and yet so so shitty.

I'm very happy to report that C and I are doing extremely well these days.  We're having fun, spending a lot of time together and with friends, and having a lot of sex.  Sorry if thats TMI but I'm telling you, it makes every relationship better.  The one thing that sucks is that C is still not working and it's sorta kinda freaking me out but I'm trying to stay calm because when you work freelance, this is your life.

I also want to tell you that I am HUGELY aware that I have sucked at the blogging thing as of late.  No posts, no comments, nada.  And I am sorry.  You guys know that sometimes life gets in the way.  SO if I'm only commenting on every other post of yours or sometimes every three posts, it doesn't reflect my lack of love for ya.  Believe me, that's still there :)

Out of body

I am not myself today.  I am sleeping badly, and last night was no exception.  I swear, everytime I drink a little, I find myself waking up at 4-ish and not being able to fall asleep.  Last night, when that happened, I walked around the apartment a couple of times, took some melatonin and eventually fell back asleep. 

Last night, at dinner, I was trying to enjoy myself but was feeling all sorts of achiness.  First my leg, then nexk, then ear, then head, etc.  So strange.  I took some advil when I got home and it finally went away.

This morning, I woke up tired as hell with the worst tummy ache and indigestion.  WTF is happening with my body?  I didn't ask for this shit.

Thank god it's Friday.  Although it doesn't help that I have a dinner party planned with friends, then tomorrow night another party, and Sunday is the Oscars.  I just need a week away of relaxation. 

To feel like myself again.

Annoyed

The following are reasons that I have been annoyed for the last few days.  Most of these have absolutely no merit, and I shouldn't be annoyed by them, but I just am:

• It's raining.  I'm over the rain.  I want to wake up to a beautiful sunny day.

• Speaking of waking up, can you tell me why it feels and looks like 4 am when I wake up at 7???

• Why is there NO parking at the gym? 

• Why is there NO parking anywhere in LA for that matter???

• I am having severe body issues these past couple of weeks.  I cannot get past my arms.  How come I take my ass to the gym 4-5 days a week, do cardio and weights and my arms are still like elephant trunks?

• I know that I probably should be trying to keep my eating in check, but when C pulls out chocolate almost EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, how come I can't walk away and say, "oh, this orange looks SO MUCH BETTER!"?

• Our mail situation at home is totally out of control.  We don't have an office in this apartment, so our kitchen doubles as an office, with the computer and ALL of the mail, strewn on the dining room table.  Tell me, do you guys have any brilliant mail organizing solutions for me?

• Why does C only clean up in spurts?  I appreciate it when he does, but why is it that every morning when I wake up and come into the living room, there is always much evidence of the night before - maybe a glass of wine, dishes, said chocolate, magazines, clothes, etc?  I don't want to be a nag but how can I politely say "dear, clean your SHIT up"!

• C still hasn't returned back to work since the strike ended a week ago.  I know that he will get a job soon enough, but I secretly stress out for him and for us - even though he really rarely does.

• My boss likes to preach.  Ask him something political, cut to two hours of him still talking with dramatic pauses and all.  Same goes when you ask him to pass the chips or what movie did he see this weekend.   

Alright, surprisingly, I feel better.  What are you annoyed about this morning?

3 days

I could NOT be happier that I have today off - I needed it so badly. Friday night was nice and relaxing, but I slept badly that night... why do you think??? Click-click-clickety heels next door. I woke up Saturday morning and went straight to my notepad - where I wrote a very polite letter asking her to PLEASE take off her heels when walking around her apt - ESPECIALLY in the middle of the night. I swear, I have NO idea what in the hell she's doing at 3 am walking back and forth, back and forth... I mean, when I get home after a long night I go to two places: the refridgerator or the bed!

Early Saturday evening, C and I headed towards the beach for out oyster and seafood dinner. We got there at the perfect time to sit at the bar and watch the sun setting over the Pacific. I ordered a 1/2 dozen oysters and three sampling wines with it. C also ordered an appetizer and shared my oysters! Pardon my excitement, but cut to a couple of years ago and I couldn't even get him to eat a piece of FRIED fish... now he's all about sushi and oysters? What a California boy ;)

After dinner, we stopped at the store to pick up Guitar Hero for our Wii... cut to two hours later with wine, wii and the guitar - it was SUCH a fun night. I got pretty buzzed so I went to bed a bit before midnight and I woke up at 4:30 am to drink some water. And that's where the fun started - I couldn't get back to bed until 7:15 am. Does that ever happen to you? It was so frustrating. I couldn't get comfy, and then I just wasn't tired. By the time I feel asleep, my alarm went off shortly thereafter. Needless to say, I was a walking zombie yesterday.

We had to get up to see the new condo we're moving into! You heard it, we're moving! Most likely April 1st, although we'll have to see in the next week or two how the condo progresses. It's being fully built right now, and it's going to be GORGEOUS. 2 bedrooms (luxury for us), 2 stories, beautiful kitchen with all new appliances, fireplaces, 3 bathrooms, a huge patio opening into a front yard. We are extremely excited, and it's rent to own situation. So we will pay rent and in approx. a year, if we decide we want to buy it, that rent will have gone towards a down payment - which is perfect for us considering I don't think we're exactly ready to buy a home just yet. It's in a new area that both of us don't know all that well, but it's near everything. YAY!

Last night, thankfully, I slept a whole 9 hours (I needed it!) and just gonna run some errands today... Hope you all had nice three-day weekends!!!

Romantical

So, funny enough, Valentine's Day last night was more just like any other night that we hang out and cook dinner.  Sure, I came home to find bags and boxes of chocolates and candy, and a beautiful card.  Also, the two glasses of wine that were already poured and the cheese plate he prepared didn't hurt.  We exchanged some little things we got for eachother, drank wine, talked, cooked dinner, and watched Lost.  Actually, it was kinda perfect.

We are really celebrating this Saturday night, when he is taking me out to a super fancy seafood restaurant on the ocean, where we will be able to eat oysters (OK, just me) and lobster (both of us) while guzzling champagne.  Cannot wait.

Work has gone full speed ahead with the strike ending - at least for me.  C is still out of work because the show he was working on hasn't officially been picked back up.  It's a bit of a bummer for him, although he has rarely had any time off since he moved to LA 6 years ago, and when he does, he never worries or stresses about it (like I do), and always manages to find a job pretty quickly.  Cross your fingers for him. 

This weekend should be fun - tonight, dinner and drinks with friends, tomorrow night is our fancy dinner, and Sunday is open houses.  Loves it.  I hope all of you had a fantastic V-day and have an even more fantastic weekend!

Love is all around

I feel so full of love today it's almost disgusting.  Either way, Valentine's Day is always a great day in my life, whether I am single or in a relationship.  I remember my mom used to wake my sister and I up on Valentine's Day with chocolates or candies and always, a beautifully written card expressing her love for us.  It used to make me cry, and this morning, when I saw her email this morning, I had the same reaction.

I have so much love for C today too, and of course my sister, the rest of my family, and OF COURSE all of you!!!.  I came into work and immediately got a huge cupcake, a stuffed animal and a long stemmed rose from my different bosses.  I couldn't feel happier.

I know - I'm random

Again, my time is short (yet sweet!) so this will consist of random thoughts.  Enjoy!

• I have noticed more and more in the last few months that my dark circles under my eyes have gotten darker and darker.  Sure, thanks to makeup, I'm able to cover it up but in the mornings when I'm at the gym and I catch a glimpse of myself, I'm almost positive that I look like I was severely punched at night in the eyes.  Any good suggestions on how to make it better?  And yes, I sleep a good amount and drink a TON of water each day.
• Tonight, there is a serious reality showdown and I don't know what to do.  My DVR can only record two episodes at a time, but tonight Biggest Loser, American Idol, AND Big Brother are all on at the same time.  Yes, I'm aware these are all lame reality shows but what's a girl to do?
• The STRIKE is so close to over, it's like we're salivating here in LA.  In fact, in my mind it IS over and that makes me super excited and freaked out all at the same time.  But, YAY!
• I cut my hair.  Like, a lot of it.  It used to be fairly long but now sits somewhere between my chin and shoulders.  And to my surprise, C doesn't hate it like I was sure he would!  What is it with guys and long hair, anyway??
• C is back, and I am proud to admit that I couldn't be happier.  Sure, his shit laying around the apartment still drives me nuts but yay to waking up next to the one you love!
• Speaking of, C and I looked at a ton of houses over the weekend - to BUY.  Not sure where this came up, but I think we've recently been getting very sick of paying high rent and not actually owning anything, so we casually started to look.  I = Could NOT be more excited.  But, um, prices in LA are INSANE and totally out of reach... but isn't the market becoming more and more a buyer's market lately?
• Valentine's Day is fast approaching and C and I already decided that we are staying in on Thursday, just cooking something yummy, and then going out to a fun dinner over the weekend.  I mean, who needs to pay an arm and a leg for a pre-fixed menu - especially when I hear that all the food is made much earlier in the day for fast turnarounds.  Bleh!

Friday Night Randoms

You know there are those days where you just don't feel like blogging?  Not so much because you don't want to, but more because you're tired, or busy, or don't have all that much to say.  This week was one of those weeks.  I don't have a concrete post but here are some random things:

• I talked to my friend whose mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and wow, was it a difficult conversation.  She sounded fine - at first - but then I had to say something about it and she just lost it - as expected.  I truly think about her all the time and wish I had a way to help her, or even give her a big hug from across the country.

• I miss C.  There, I said it.  However, it hasn't been all that difficult at all with him gone.  Sure, I wouldn't mind someone to be next to me when I'm woken up at 4 am by strange sounds, but I have really enjoyed my time with my girlfriends and family, and I have loved my alone time watching Project Runway marathons. 

• That being said, my Tivo is still much more full then it normally would be, as I have decided to record all kinds of crazy, girly reality TV that I would never watch when C is in town.  The problem is, he is sorta kinda ridiculously anal about clearing out our TiVo so that should be fun when he comes home and sees it is 90% full!

• Leave it to the DVR gods to never be able to keep my all-time favorite show, Friday Night Lights, on a season pass.  We set it, and it NEVER records.  So every week, we have to manually find it on the schedule and record it.  Problem is, life sometimes gets in the way and way too often have we been chatting over a third glass of wine at a restaurant and realize that "oh SHIT we forgot to record FNL tonight!".  Thankfully, I remembered for tonight.

• I have had the most insane week at work and while I love it and wouldn't want it any other way, it makes me tired and not wanting to talk at all once I leave the office.  Yes, that includes phone chats with the family and friends.  It's Friday night at 7:13, and I am more than happy to be at home, in my pajamas, drinking an amazing (LARGE) glass of Pinot Noir, and blogging.  Nope, not ashamed to admit it. 

• Speaking of blogging, do you guys ever feel just horrible about missing a day or two of some of your freader's blogs?  I always do, but the time in the day just escapes me and I always try to catch up - sometimes it's just hard.  Is that why people do Google Reader?  What is that by the way?

dreams and such

I know I've talked about my dreams here before.  I tend to have these crazy vivid dreams that sometimes, stay with me for days. 

Many of these dreams include other guys - or other girls for C.  Last weekend when C was home for a couple of days (did I mention that he was home?), I had this insane dream about me surprising him while he was on tour and I caught him totally flirting with some hot girl.  I went up to him, all excited to see him and to give him a huge hug, and he gave me a dirty look and walked away with her.  Yeah, the dream sucked, but in a roundabout way, I almost enjoy a dream like that so I can wake up and just be grateful for the relationship I do have with him.

I once read how cheating dreams can appear pretty frequently in even a good relationship and I totally believe it because have had a few dreams in the course of our relationship about other guys.  Some include ex's, for example, I would run into an ex and see him happily married or in a relationship and would be so heartbroken.  Others have been about guys who I don't even know but I would feel "crushes" for.  Some, I would even kiss.  Last night was a bit different. 

We were at some sort of beach resort - C, my sister, a few friends, and some guys (one, in particular, who resembled Riggins from Friday Night Lights).  C had gone to play golf with a couple of the guys (C HATES golf) and I stayed back at the pool.  So, Riggins and I were flirting, and drinking, and I'm enjoying myself, and next thing I know, he's kissing me.  I was initially happy, and then I remember pulling myself away and running.  I then was having a conversation with a girlfriend from high school who I know longer talk to, and telling her very calmly "of course it was exciting and fun.  But anything that even feels exciting and tempting now will just eventually end up in a comfortably, good place - which is exactly where I feel with C.  It's just not worth it.  I'm making that choice."

OK, so when did I become Dear Abby in my dreams?  I mean, I agree with myself when I said that - because I do feel like cheating is always a temptation for anyone in even the happiest of relationships - it then comes down to a decision that you have to make whether or not you want to actually go down that path.

The funny part here is that I feel insanely happy in my relationship right now - infidelity on his or my part is not an issue.  I actually notice that whenever I have dreams surrounding my relationship that are a bit tumultuous, it tends to happen when things are really good.  Anyone else notice the same?

Anyway, C did make it home for a couple of days - but poor thing, was ridiculously sick - with a high fever and horrible cold, and so Superbowl was spent on our couch with Chicken Noodle Soup - which honestly?  Fine with me because who needed the extra calories?  Oh, and he also made a point to pull out the business section of Sunday's paper where there was a huge article about how to pick out the right diamond and pack it into his suitcase when he left on Monday.  Um, I like that kind of reading material!

Perspective

I feel officially thrown for a loop.  A few weeks ago, I wrote about how a good friend of mine and I were growing apart.  She and her husband had lived in LA for a year and the four of us couldn't have been closer.  When they moved back to NYC, we stayed very much in touch and had one of our greatest weekends there last Memorial Day visiting them.  So when they came out to visit a few weeks ago, I was very confused as to why she was so distant. 

Initially of course, I assumed it was something I had done.  Had I changed since the last time she saw me?  I honestly analyzed my behavior that weekend and came to the conclusion that I was pretty sure it wasn't something I had done.   Maybe she was going through something?  Was her relationship okay? Well, it sure seemed like it was.  Her job?  She seemed to really like it.

After all of your advice, and after speaking to mutual friends of ours, I decided to approach her and casually ask if everything was ok with her.  Over IM, naturally.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey!
Her: Hey
Me: How are you? 
Her: ok. you?
Me: good, same ol' shit.  Why just ok?
Her: just work and stuff
Me:  I get that.  Did you guys have fun in LA?
Her: Yeah it was really fun
Me: I felt like we didn't get to chat as much as we normally do :)
Her: Yeah... well, it's 5 - my day is over... talk soon?

I'm not gonna lie - I felt so snubbed and almost a bit floored.  Why, all of a sudden was she acting so cold to me?  I'm also very close with her  husband, and when he IM'd me the next day, I felt I should ask him what he thought.  He also reiterated what a fun time they had in LA, and when I asked him if his wife was ok because I felt something was up, he immediately said "yeah, everythings fine" and then quickly ended the conversation.

Last Friday night,  I had dinner with the girl that introduced us.  I decided to ask her what she thought.  She agreed with me that something was definitely a little strange.  We both know that the girl has never been one of those overly affectionate, over the top girls, but we felt we were even getting less than what we normally would.  Plus, she hadn't returned any emails that my friend sent to her.  Immediately, we started to think of what could possibly be the problem.

"Maybe she's pregnant?" 
"No, she had a couple of drinks while she was here."

"Maybe he wants to move back to LA and she doesn't so she was trying to sabatoge the trip"
"Could be it!"

"Maybe she is just miserable at her job?"
"Possibly.  But that's one of the only things she lights up about."

"Maybe she and her husband are fighting a lot?"
"That could be it.  But they seemed so happy when they were here."

Oh well, we chatted about it, and then moved on.  I basically came to the conclusion that I tried, and if she wants to talk to me about something, well then I am here.  Ball's in her court.

Yesterday evening, I get an email from her.  She acknowledged that she has been distant and hasn't really kept in touch.  She then went on to say that her family has had a really hard few weeks.  Her mom had been going through all of these medical tests because she had a lingering cough but otherwise felt fine and just a week ago, was diagnosed with lung cancer.

I just couldn't believe what I was reading.  Of course she seemed subdued and distant, she didn't know about the cancer the weekend we saw her, but she did know that something was wrong that her mom was undergoing various medical tests for.  The day she got back to NY, she discovered this horrific news.

My friend that I had dinner with and I talked on the phone last night, and felt horrible that we even laughed about why she wasn't as sweet as she normally is.  She also spoke to another friend who knew more details, and it looks like the cancer has already spread and she has basically been given 1 year to live.

This has affected me more than I would think it could.  I could not get it off my mind last night - I called my own mom and dad and talked to them.  When I was laying in bed, I just felt so sad for my friend, her mom, and their family.  I couldn't imagine what it would be like to hear this news about someone you love.  And the kind of cancer too!  If she had gotten breast cancer even, it would be more of an "alright, we can BEAT this!"  Her mom is still trying to fight it, they started her first round of chemo last Friday.

I just feel so helpless and so badly for her.