20 Something in LA LA land...

Out of body

I am not myself today.  I am sleeping badly, and last night was no exception.  I swear, everytime I drink a little, I find myself waking up at 4-ish and not being able to fall asleep.  Last night, when that happened, I walked around the apartment a couple of times, took some melatonin and eventually fell back asleep. 

Last night, at dinner, I was trying to enjoy myself but was feeling all sorts of achiness.  First my leg, then nexk, then ear, then head, etc.  So strange.  I took some advil when I got home and it finally went away.

This morning, I woke up tired as hell with the worst tummy ache and indigestion.  WTF is happening with my body?  I didn't ask for this shit.

Thank god it's Friday.  Although it doesn't help that I have a dinner party planned with friends, then tomorrow night another party, and Sunday is the Oscars.  I just need a week away of relaxation. 

To feel like myself again.

I know - I'm random

Again, my time is short (yet sweet!) so this will consist of random thoughts.  Enjoy!

• I have noticed more and more in the last few months that my dark circles under my eyes have gotten darker and darker.  Sure, thanks to makeup, I'm able to cover it up but in the mornings when I'm at the gym and I catch a glimpse of myself, I'm almost positive that I look like I was severely punched at night in the eyes.  Any good suggestions on how to make it better?  And yes, I sleep a good amount and drink a TON of water each day.
• Tonight, there is a serious reality showdown and I don't know what to do.  My DVR can only record two episodes at a time, but tonight Biggest Loser, American Idol, AND Big Brother are all on at the same time.  Yes, I'm aware these are all lame reality shows but what's a girl to do?
• The STRIKE is so close to over, it's like we're salivating here in LA.  In fact, in my mind it IS over and that makes me super excited and freaked out all at the same time.  But, YAY!
• I cut my hair.  Like, a lot of it.  It used to be fairly long but now sits somewhere between my chin and shoulders.  And to my surprise, C doesn't hate it like I was sure he would!  What is it with guys and long hair, anyway??
• C is back, and I am proud to admit that I couldn't be happier.  Sure, his shit laying around the apartment still drives me nuts but yay to waking up next to the one you love!
• Speaking of, C and I looked at a ton of houses over the weekend - to BUY.  Not sure where this came up, but I think we've recently been getting very sick of paying high rent and not actually owning anything, so we casually started to look.  I = Could NOT be more excited.  But, um, prices in LA are INSANE and totally out of reach... but isn't the market becoming more and more a buyer's market lately?
• Valentine's Day is fast approaching and C and I already decided that we are staying in on Thursday, just cooking something yummy, and then going out to a fun dinner over the weekend.  I mean, who needs to pay an arm and a leg for a pre-fixed menu - especially when I hear that all the food is made much earlier in the day for fast turnarounds.  Bleh!

Friday Night Randoms

You know there are those days where you just don't feel like blogging?  Not so much because you don't want to, but more because you're tired, or busy, or don't have all that much to say.  This week was one of those weeks.  I don't have a concrete post but here are some random things:

• I talked to my friend whose mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and wow, was it a difficult conversation.  She sounded fine - at first - but then I had to say something about it and she just lost it - as expected.  I truly think about her all the time and wish I had a way to help her, or even give her a big hug from across the country.

• I miss C.  There, I said it.  However, it hasn't been all that difficult at all with him gone.  Sure, I wouldn't mind someone to be next to me when I'm woken up at 4 am by strange sounds, but I have really enjoyed my time with my girlfriends and family, and I have loved my alone time watching Project Runway marathons. 

• That being said, my Tivo is still much more full then it normally would be, as I have decided to record all kinds of crazy, girly reality TV that I would never watch when C is in town.  The problem is, he is sorta kinda ridiculously anal about clearing out our TiVo so that should be fun when he comes home and sees it is 90% full!

• Leave it to the DVR gods to never be able to keep my all-time favorite show, Friday Night Lights, on a season pass.  We set it, and it NEVER records.  So every week, we have to manually find it on the schedule and record it.  Problem is, life sometimes gets in the way and way too often have we been chatting over a third glass of wine at a restaurant and realize that "oh SHIT we forgot to record FNL tonight!".  Thankfully, I remembered for tonight.

• I have had the most insane week at work and while I love it and wouldn't want it any other way, it makes me tired and not wanting to talk at all once I leave the office.  Yes, that includes phone chats with the family and friends.  It's Friday night at 7:13, and I am more than happy to be at home, in my pajamas, drinking an amazing (LARGE) glass of Pinot Noir, and blogging.  Nope, not ashamed to admit it. 

• Speaking of blogging, do you guys ever feel just horrible about missing a day or two of some of your freader's blogs?  I always do, but the time in the day just escapes me and I always try to catch up - sometimes it's just hard.  Is that why people do Google Reader?  What is that by the way?

dreams and such

I know I've talked about my dreams here before.  I tend to have these crazy vivid dreams that sometimes, stay with me for days. 

Many of these dreams include other guys - or other girls for C.  Last weekend when C was home for a couple of days (did I mention that he was home?), I had this insane dream about me surprising him while he was on tour and I caught him totally flirting with some hot girl.  I went up to him, all excited to see him and to give him a huge hug, and he gave me a dirty look and walked away with her.  Yeah, the dream sucked, but in a roundabout way, I almost enjoy a dream like that so I can wake up and just be grateful for the relationship I do have with him.

I once read how cheating dreams can appear pretty frequently in even a good relationship and I totally believe it because have had a few dreams in the course of our relationship about other guys.  Some include ex's, for example, I would run into an ex and see him happily married or in a relationship and would be so heartbroken.  Others have been about guys who I don't even know but I would feel "crushes" for.  Some, I would even kiss.  Last night was a bit different. 

We were at some sort of beach resort - C, my sister, a few friends, and some guys (one, in particular, who resembled Riggins from Friday Night Lights).  C had gone to play golf with a couple of the guys (C HATES golf) and I stayed back at the pool.  So, Riggins and I were flirting, and drinking, and I'm enjoying myself, and next thing I know, he's kissing me.  I was initially happy, and then I remember pulling myself away and running.  I then was having a conversation with a girlfriend from high school who I know longer talk to, and telling her very calmly "of course it was exciting and fun.  But anything that even feels exciting and tempting now will just eventually end up in a comfortably, good place - which is exactly where I feel with C.  It's just not worth it.  I'm making that choice."

OK, so when did I become Dear Abby in my dreams?  I mean, I agree with myself when I said that - because I do feel like cheating is always a temptation for anyone in even the happiest of relationships - it then comes down to a decision that you have to make whether or not you want to actually go down that path.

The funny part here is that I feel insanely happy in my relationship right now - infidelity on his or my part is not an issue.  I actually notice that whenever I have dreams surrounding my relationship that are a bit tumultuous, it tends to happen when things are really good.  Anyone else notice the same?

Anyway, C did make it home for a couple of days - but poor thing, was ridiculously sick - with a high fever and horrible cold, and so Superbowl was spent on our couch with Chicken Noodle Soup - which honestly?  Fine with me because who needed the extra calories?  Oh, and he also made a point to pull out the business section of Sunday's paper where there was a huge article about how to pick out the right diamond and pack it into his suitcase when he left on Monday.  Um, I like that kind of reading material!

Letters

Dear guy at the gym front desk,

Please, please do not be so overly enthusiastic to see me at such an early hour every morning.  I usually have my eyes half open at that time, and when you excitedly say "GOOD MORNING!", I have no choice but to attempt to fully open my eyes and smile back.  I appreciate your energy, but next time, can't you just smile and wave?

Thanks,
Member 19289

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Dear waiter from last night,

I get it.  You're a hot, charming, and egotistical actor.  No surprise there.  But for this once, can you please do your job?  That means, if we ask you 3 times to bring more oil for the bread, maybe you could actually do it instead of gossiping with your coworkers 3 ft. away from us.  Oh, and when the person sitting with me says "I'll have a glass of what she's having", that means that she'll have exactly what I'm having - not a glass of wine that is 5 dollars more. K?

Check please,
15% tip only this time

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Dear Coffee Bean Employees,

I wake up every morning excited to get my first sip of your yummy coffee.   I so appreciate you waking up at 5 am to get there for all of us lazy people that don't make coffee at home.  Sometimes, it's the only reason for me to actually get my ass out of bed :)

A bug hug,
1 regular coffee, 1/2 decaf, with a scoop of no-sugar-added vanilla powder

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Dear Boss,

We are working as hard as we possibly can on this project - hours each and every day to make sure we get the best results.  Is there any way you could possibly leave us be for 5 minutes and not call and email us every chance you get to micromanage and make sure that there is nothing we need your help with?  Thanks!

Best,
Your loyal, hard working slave employee

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Dear pillow,

I cannot wait to see you again tonight.  Last night was magical.

ZZZZ,
Sleepy-head

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Dear Mom,

Thank you so much for opening up with me about that story last night.  The fact that you can really say that you are happy and grateful you got in that accident years ago, and forever have a damaged shoulder, because through that you made a little money and were able to send me to Israel on my study abroad when I was 16 made me cry.  I always knew you were a good mother and would give your right arm for us, but hearing stories like that really remind me just how lucky I am to have you.  I love you so much.

Love,
Your grateful daughter that credits you with more than you'll ever know.

Leaving on a jet plane

I have good news and bad news. 

First, the good news:  C got a few week gig!  It's very exciting because work is so scarce right now so we're both thrilled for him.  He's going to be following a very popular teen band around the country for the next few weeks to capture footage for the project.  It's different than anything he's ever done and it involves traveling, so I know he's really looking forward to it.  If not for anything then the experience and the contacts that he will make.  Plus, the money aint bad either.

And the bad news?  C will be traveling around the country for the next 3-4 weeks!!!  What the hell am I going to do for so long ALONE???  I know, I know, that sounded pretty dramatic.  I'm not really in the midst of depression over this... I'm just sad.  Happy for him, don't get me wrong... but sad to be without him for so long.  The following are some reasons for this:

1) I am a total baby when I am home alone overnight.  Every sound is magnified and I find myself being sure that someone is in my house.  I can try to distract myself, but sometimes I completely lose it in the middle of the night out of fear.

2) C and I spend A LOT of time together.  Yes, we both have our own individual lives, but we choose to spend most of our free time together - especially on the weekends.  Since it has been this way for 4 years, I don't have a huge circle of girlfriends to hang out with on any given weekend.  Even if I did, all of my girlfriends are in relationships and being a third wheel on a Saturday night doesn't always excite me too much.

3) I love my boyfriend - excuse me for not wanting him to go!

Last time C went out of town for an extended amount of time was last April.  He had 4 weeks off work, and I was right in the middle of my busiest time, so he took 3 weeks to visit friends of his in Europe.  I was horrible in the weeks leading up to his departure.  I picked on him, fought with him, got emotional and cried much more than I'm proud of, and was all around a nervous wreck.  I was scared to be alone, but most of all, I was angry with him that he was leaving me for 3 weeks, to go to Europe -  a place where I wanted to go with him.  It ended up being fine, other than a couple of nights at the beginning being pretty lonely and scared.  It actually forced me to be a bit more independent, and I rekindled some of my friendships with girlfriends whom I hadn't caught up with in some time. 

I look back at the way I acted before he left on his vacation last year and honestly, I'm a bit disappointed in myself.  I acted extremely immaturely and selfishly, and I vowed to not act that way this time (according to him, it was sweet up until a point and then just became obnoxious.  I don't blame him.).  Plus, I know that he's traveling for work, not for play (although believe me, he is traveling with the kind of band that NO DOUBT he will have fun... don't worry, you guys know this band).  He also is going for a week starting tomorrow and he'll be back on Saturday for a couple of days, and then again gone for 10 days, and back... and possibly more.  And his schedule currently has him coming home for Valentine's Day so a girl can hope...

BUT... I need your guys' help for the next couple of weeks!  Keep me company - I wouldn't hate to get some extra comments, emails or texts to let me know you're thinking about little ol' poor DG, all by her sad, sad self.  Just kidding, I'm not that pathetic. 

I wish...

...that I didn't have a marathon meeting ahead of me today - from 11-4, if it ends on time.

...that it was Friday because really? Another day of this???

...that I felt more rested this morning - because my sleep has been off the last couple of nights.

...that I could say I wasn't all that affected by the death of Heath Ledger, cause I am, and I can hardly get it out of my head, hence the sleep problems.  I just can't stop thinking about his daughter and her mom.

...that I didn't eat two GINORMOUS cupcakes from one of those trendy cupcake stores the other night with C.  I think it was more sugar than a human needs in a year.

... that I didn't crave another one this morning.

...that C would continue to cook me dinner every night like he has these past two.  Who knew I had Bobby Flay sleeping in my bed?

...that C would also not be so sensitive when I try to give him some tips in the kitchen, say, like, "you may want to turn that oven ON!!!"

...that my parents were still married, if only for the convenience it would bring to me so I could see them both in one night in one place.  Sometimes, I feel like there isn't enough time in the week to see my boyfriend, friends, and all my family.

...that there were more episodes in the 1st season of Brothers and Sisters.

...that I didn't feel so goddamn guilty about missing the gym twice this week.

...that I had more time to write and read blogs.  Sorry :(

The one where I am eating my raisin bran

Once again, I am running behind today.  Why does this seem to be a routine now?  Ever since I've been my own boss, I've been going to sleep later and waking up later (still very difficultly) and I always seem to be running approx. 5-30 minutes behind everything I have to do that day.  However, I made some time to jot down some random thoughts in my head while I am eating my bowl of raisin bran.  Enjoy!

• I didn't want to forget to elaborate on my little sister's dance performance last Wednesday for archival purposes.  She's 15, turning 16 in May and every time that I see her dance I am always floored how brilliant and mature she is.  We only share a dad, so I don't see her as often as I wish I could, but the times when she's on the stage makes up for it.  It's her form of expression and she completely rocks. This is a high school company that performs, she's only a sophomore, but was in 12 of the 14 dances and choreographed one of them.  Also, we got to meet her boyfriend of 2 months (!) who is ADORABLE.  He looks like Michael Cera from Juno and is beyond sweet, bringing her a huge bouquet of flowers afterwards.  Is it strange to ask my 15 year old sister to go on a double date with C and I?
• C and I live in this adorable duplex, built sometime in the 20's or 30's.  We love it because of it's age - the nooks and krannies and fixtures and moldings are things that are hard to find these days in homes.  However, our new neighbors just moved in.  We share one wall with them and even that wall has large closets separating it.  Our last neighbor we NEVER heard - almost like he wasn't even there.  The new neighbors?  Well, they are a young couple, younger than us, and she is a fashion design student.  So what do we hear all day and all night?  The click-click-clicking of the girl's heels on the wood floor.  Back and forth, all hours.  My question for you guys is, what the hell do we do about it?
• Ive been reading about a lot of you getting nominated for 20 something blogger awards, and I feel I should say thank you, because I was nominated for one too.  I got an email last week telling me about it, but unfortunately I couldn't accept my nomination because... I never signed up to be part of 20-something bloggers!  Oh well, life goes on but I would love to know who nominated me and for what?  I''m guessing it was for the Insane/Neurotic/Hypochondriac/Romantic/Food Lover blog of the year, right? Right?

Anyway, now I'm verging on being REALLY late for my meeting so I gotta run y'all... Have a happy Tuesday!

Snippets

Totally running behind a crazy day at work so I can't write a lot.  SO here are snippets:

- My family is so odd.  Did I mention I have a long line of step-these and half-thats?  Well, last night, I made plans to meet my dad at this small random cafe in LA.  Mind you, there are thousands of restaurants in LA.  I walk in before my dad to get a table and who do I see?  My step-dad and one of my step-brothers.  And no, we do not come from that happily-divorced family that you read about where everyone is friends.  It would have been INCREDIBLY awkward to sit in a SMALL restaurant the whole time.  SO I managed to divert the situation, but how coincidental is that???

- There is baby-talk all around me right now.  My sister is in the "trying" stage, and one of my step-sisters is over 4 months pregnant with a boy on the way.  I personally can't wait until there are babies everywhere.

-My partner and I got a call yesterday to resume our job that we were working on before the strike started.  This is good news cause, hello, it keeps us working, but bad news because we are still working on this other project and we are soon going to be very overwhelmed.

-C is not only sick now, but also unemployed.  One major problem that this leads to?  I cannot catch up on any of my shows that are Tivo'ed.  When I get home, we end up watching something together, which means it has to be something he likes too.  Thankfully, we enjoy a lot of the same shows but still!  I wanna watch Dance Wars!

-Our friends are coming in to town tonight and I'm so excited - although I really wish C was feeling better :(

That's all now - that and I have to jump into a meeting.  I may or may not have time to read your blogs cause I'm busy but I hope to.  Have a great weekend!

Copycat

It's almost 6:00 and I've had a crazy long day but felt like popping in.  Therefore, I leave you all with my copycat post - Confessions.  Thanks Clink and Samantha!

I CONFESS...

... I realize that my headache the other day was most likely due to "that time of the month".  Actually, strange as it sounds, I have been experiencing different symptoms every month.  A couple of months ago it was horrendous cramps.  Last month - so insanely tired.  This time?  Headaches.  Maybe next month a horn will pop out of my head.

... I have been wierdly food obsessed lately, which isn't all that wierd cause I love food anyway, but it is quite annoying. 

... I felt skinnier and cuter the two weeks when I was not working out at all and eating everything in sight.  What's up with that?

...it makes me not want to go to the gym - because I am convinced it's the gym that actually makes me feel fat!

...I snacked on chocolate while I watched The Biggest Loser last night.

...I am so jealous and proud of C that he has been off work now for at least two weeks and has not spent one full day at home.  I could never do that!

...I am happy that he is sick and not me - for once!

...I can't wait for my friends to come to LA this weekend from NY.  It's gonna be a weekend filled with shopping, laughing, eating, drinking. SO FUN.

...I still haven't called my childhood friend.

...I'm so annoyed with this writer's strike right now.  For the obvious reasons of course, but the new reality shows that are starting?  The Baby Borrower on NBC???  You've got to be fucking kidding me!

...I have found a new show that I am obsessed with that I am catching up with on DVD - Brother's and Sisters.  But I still think Calista Flockhart is anorexic.  And I want Sally Field to be my mom.

... I can't stand some of the people I'm working for on this project. I can't believe they have the titles that they do.  I can do SUCH a better job than them.

...I'm disgustingly addicted to C's PSP, the one that I bought for him for Christmas.  Oh, and Super Mario Galaxy on my Wii - so fucking good.

...One person in my office has the worst fucking breath.  Everytime I'm near him I have to turn my head.  Do I say something?

...I can't stop listening to Celine Dion's CD.  Yes, that and I am a closeted (ok, not anymore) Michael Bolton fan.

...C and I had sex twice in 3 hours on Saturday.  We hadn't done that since the first few months we were dating.

...As fun as it was, I was sore as hell.

...But I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

That's all I got now... Have a great night and morning!!!