20 Something in LA LA land...

Leaving on a jet plane

I have good news and bad news. 

First, the good news:  C got a few week gig!  It's very exciting because work is so scarce right now so we're both thrilled for him.  He's going to be following a very popular teen band around the country for the next few weeks to capture footage for the project.  It's different than anything he's ever done and it involves traveling, so I know he's really looking forward to it.  If not for anything then the experience and the contacts that he will make.  Plus, the money aint bad either.

And the bad news?  C will be traveling around the country for the next 3-4 weeks!!!  What the hell am I going to do for so long ALONE???  I know, I know, that sounded pretty dramatic.  I'm not really in the midst of depression over this... I'm just sad.  Happy for him, don't get me wrong... but sad to be without him for so long.  The following are some reasons for this:

1) I am a total baby when I am home alone overnight.  Every sound is magnified and I find myself being sure that someone is in my house.  I can try to distract myself, but sometimes I completely lose it in the middle of the night out of fear.

2) C and I spend A LOT of time together.  Yes, we both have our own individual lives, but we choose to spend most of our free time together - especially on the weekends.  Since it has been this way for 4 years, I don't have a huge circle of girlfriends to hang out with on any given weekend.  Even if I did, all of my girlfriends are in relationships and being a third wheel on a Saturday night doesn't always excite me too much.

3) I love my boyfriend - excuse me for not wanting him to go!

Last time C went out of town for an extended amount of time was last April.  He had 4 weeks off work, and I was right in the middle of my busiest time, so he took 3 weeks to visit friends of his in Europe.  I was horrible in the weeks leading up to his departure.  I picked on him, fought with him, got emotional and cried much more than I'm proud of, and was all around a nervous wreck.  I was scared to be alone, but most of all, I was angry with him that he was leaving me for 3 weeks, to go to Europe -  a place where I wanted to go with him.  It ended up being fine, other than a couple of nights at the beginning being pretty lonely and scared.  It actually forced me to be a bit more independent, and I rekindled some of my friendships with girlfriends whom I hadn't caught up with in some time. 

I look back at the way I acted before he left on his vacation last year and honestly, I'm a bit disappointed in myself.  I acted extremely immaturely and selfishly, and I vowed to not act that way this time (according to him, it was sweet up until a point and then just became obnoxious.  I don't blame him.).  Plus, I know that he's traveling for work, not for play (although believe me, he is traveling with the kind of band that NO DOUBT he will have fun... don't worry, you guys know this band).  He also is going for a week starting tomorrow and he'll be back on Saturday for a couple of days, and then again gone for 10 days, and back... and possibly more.  And his schedule currently has him coming home for Valentine's Day so a girl can hope...

BUT... I need your guys' help for the next couple of weeks!  Keep me company - I wouldn't hate to get some extra comments, emails or texts to let me know you're thinking about little ol' poor DG, all by her sad, sad self.  Just kidding, I'm not that pathetic. 

I'm baaaaaaaack

Oh how I missed you so!  It's been about two weeks - which is ridiculously long to not keep in touch.  Sure, I love to bore you with the mundane details of my life approximately 4-5 times a week and I'm sure it was hard for you not to have that, but what was really hard for me was not having the time to sit and read your blogs!  I have definite withdrawal symptoms.  So I will quickly tell you about my trip and then I will try to get to all of your blogs through the weekend by the end of this year! HA!

Number one?  We had a fucking fantastic time.  This is quite surprising to both C and me because a) we were in 10-40 degrees weather the whole time and being an LA girl, that usually tends to suck, b) we were with his family for 10 DAYS STRAIGHT and as much as I like them, that worried both of us and c) there was SO MUCH EATING and hardly any moving around and normally?  I hate that.  But guess what?  This time? It was nice feeling like a lazy fat pig!

I won't bore you with too many details but I'll give you the highlights.

Last Monday, we flew into Denver and C and I immediately rented a car to drive two hours up into the Rocky Mountains to Beaver Creek (It's right next to Vail).  Let me just tell you, that as a kid I always wanted to spend some time in one of these cute little ski villages, where there are ice skating rinks and chocolate stores and Starbucks and good restaurants, and you could walk around and ski and then relax by the fire and then walk some more.  It was so perfect and beautiful and out of a movie.  We stayed in a condo there with his family for two nights, playing Trivial Pursuit and eating yummy food and watching good movies and laughing.  C also decided (on his own) that he wanted to take me out alone for dinner the second night, so he found this beautiful restaurant and we went on a date.  Very sweet if you ask me, considering he sees me all the goddamn time and his family very rarely.  I guess he just knew that he wouldn't be alone with me for the next 8 days and wanted to give me a "treat".

On Thursday of last week, C and I had a flight from Denver to Chicago, and what do ya know? They downsized the plane and we were left without a seat, along with 30 or more people.  I immediately went into panic mode, as I quite clearly remember Last December 29th, when C and I had to be put on standby for 8 hours, and only got out of Chicago the next morning at 6.  That, my friends, was HELL.  SO, I nicely spoke to some sweet man wearing a Santa tie, who totally hooked C and I up.  We got to fly first class to Sioux Falls (please, stop the chuckling.  I know, I know, a 1 hour flight, but it was something.  And Sioux Falls's airport?  One long hallway with a stuffed dog.)  and a couple hour layover and then off to Chicago.  SO we made it there only four hours past when we should have BUT we did manage to score two free roundtrip tickets to anywhere in the US except Alaska and Hawaii so I would say we made out well.

Oh, did I tell you that I also was feeling sick again?  I couldn't believe it, as I had just gotten over the WORST cold of my life a bit over a month ago, and then all of a sudden, I was sick again.  And flying.  This was not a good combination.

We woke up the next morning in Illinois to snow on the ground and a pretty sunny sky.  And so started our week of EATING.  Full-on breakfast every morning, and lunch 3 hours later, and of course a heavy hearty dinner.  Did I mind?  Not one bit.  I loved it.  C and I cooked for his whole family on the 23rd (that was 27 people - It felt like Dinner Impossible) and the other days I helped his mom out happily. When I say happily I truly mean it too, because if you would have tried to keep me inside for four straight days at C's parents' house last year or the year before I would have said NO WAY.  But this time, for whatever reason, I felt so comfortable and happy, and genuinely enjoyed their company - especially his mom (In fact, we had a long heart to heart about the "marriage" issue and she was so great about it).  I looked forward to talking to her, and getting her advice, and telling her stories.  It was so nice.  On the 2nd or 3rd day we were there, C looked at me and said this was the best Christmas home he's had in years because he could trust that I was having a good time and he didn't have to constantly check on me like he used to in the past.  This time, he could freely go down to the basement with his brother and dad and play darts or pool, and he knew I would be fine upstairs with the ladies and the kids.

And ohmigod the kids!  C's brother has two kids, a 4 year old boy and a little 8 month old girl.  The boy has always had this thing for me - when C and I see him for the first time in a long time, he tends to run right past him and jump into my arms.  I love that of course, but now that he is getting to a certain stage and has a new baby sister who gets TONS of attention, he had moments of devil-like behavior.  Which was not fun.  But the 8-month old!  So cute - what a sweet age!  And she was obsessed with her Uncle C and wow - to see him with a little baby girl got me teary-eyed at moments.

Other highlights?  We went to visit C's grandparents who are both in a nursing home, the grandfather for physical reasons and the grandma for dementia.  Even though it was sad to see them like that, they were both so sweet and fun and loving, and I just loved seeing the family interact and taking pictures of it.

Also, we spent the first Friday night with a few of C's friends and their wives for dinner at this great Italian restaurant.  It's always good to get together with them, because amazingly enough, I get along with all of the wives really well.  The not so fun part?  Being grilled about marriage after a couple of glasses of wine.  Haven't we had enough???  This last Wednesday, we went to one of the couples' condo, which we hadn't seen yet and they cooked dinner for us.  It was so great.  SUCH a cute house and great food and great music and obviously great wine (anyone else feel they have drank too much lately?) and good conversation and I just loved it.  So much fun. 

And finally Christmas morning.  With mimosas and Christmas music and thousands of presents under the tree, it just it so much fun for me.  And C and I made out pretty nice!  Although I didn't get EXACTLY what I wanted (this is kinda a joke because if C ever proposed to me Christmas morning in front of all of his family, I would be mortified), he did get me the perfume I wanted so badly, an adorable shirt, and a pair of beautiful earrings and a ring.  Not that kind but it was still beautiful.  His parents and family all got us great stuff too (including a new DVD player, gift cards to Marriot Hotels, Whole Foods, Trader Joes, Forever 21, Borders, etc. - they know me well!).

And so came Thursday morning, to quickly pack up and go home, but guess what?  DG got a ridiculous sinus infection!  So no matter how much medicine I took, and how much I tried to forget about it, that day of flying was honestly the most excrutiating thing I had ever gone through.  I mean, ridiculous.  My head was gonna EXPLODE!!!!!  At least I didn't focus on the fact that we were flying and whoops! I'm scared of flying but I actually wasn't at all and I think it cured my fear!

Lastly, C and I are doing really well.  There was hardly one argument the whole time, minus the marriage one after we got majorly grilled.  But other than that, we got along really well and I feel like we bonded even more if that's possible?  As far as the marriage and future talk?  We'll just have to see.  I will say I did get a little more insight as to why he's feeling the way he is, and a lot of it has nothing to do with me but with his job and the current state of his career-life.  So, we'll see.  If I'm happy now must I change it? 

Tired can't even describe it.

First of all, thank you all SO much for sympathizing about Molly.  I still miss her and can't stop thinking about her - but I keep thinking about the reasons that it had to be done and then I feel a bit better.

My weekend was a blast.  C and I left for Chicago on Friday afternoon.  Our flight was supposed to take off at 5 so we got in a cab at 3 pm.  When we were just about to arrive to the airport, we received a call from the airline that our flight was 2.5 hours delayed.  2.5 hours people!!!  We got to the airport with 4 hours until the flight - so what else were we to do other than terminal / bar hop around LAX.  Yeah, that didn't last too long but because we complained about the long delay, we did get a $20 voucher for food in the American Airlines terminal.  We used it on Southwestern egg rolls, fries, chips and salsa and artichoke dip at Chili's.  Um, seriously?  DO NOT order food after having consumed 3 glasses of wine.

Only when we got on the plane did I realize that we were going to arrive in Chicago at 2 am.  Then, by the time we would get to C's parent's house it would be 3 am - AND we had a Cubs game the next day that we had to leave by 9 am for.  Needless to say, we woke up Saturday morning exhausted. 

The Cubs game was so much fun, though.  We sat in the bleachers - there were three couples who I REALLY like - and ate amazing horrible food, drank beer and cheered when we won!  But seriously, I had never eaten anything as yummy as that Chicago hot dog with grilled onions and mustard on it... YUM!

Other than that, we went to a friend's bbq, went sailing off of Navy Pier, went for a bike ride, cooked with C's parents who are great, and dodged about 4,000 questions about when we are getting married - GRRRRR...

This morning, we had to catch a 6:45 am flight, so we have been up since 2:30 am LA time.   I am in shock that it's only 11:00 am right now.  And it is HOT here in LA now.  Big time!

Alright, I'm off to unpack pass out.

I'm not sure Suburbia is for me.

We just got back from Colorado a couple of hours ago.  It's so funny how even when you go out of town for 3 days, it still feels so different when you get home.

The weekend was pretty fun though.  Started at the airport here in LAX.  I'm scared of flying, in case I haven't mentioned it before.  Actually, what I'm really scared of is the takeoff.  Why you ask?  Well to me, it's just NOT NATURAL for an aircraft of that size to speed up and then just up in the air it goes.  Seriously people, how the HELL does that happen.  Luckily, the takeoff is the worst part so once we're in the air I'm usually cool.  Therefore, we usually end up in some airport bar before the flight for a glass or 10 glasses of wine to calm me down. 

We got there at approx 9:30 Friday night. From the airport we went straight to C's brother's house which is about 20 minutes north of Denver, just outside of Boulder.  They have 2 kids so at the house it was a bit of quiet talking and then to bed.

There is nothing like a 4 yr old ADORABLE angel of a boy waking you up in the morning.  And I'm not being sarcastic.  Yes, there are kids that drive me INSANE but C's nephew is not one of them at all.  He is pure heaven, always smiling and laughing and luckily, he is obsessed with me.  The reason I say luckily is because he really was the reason that the trip was fun.

Not that I don't like C's brother and his wife.  I do - they're great.  They're just different.  He is a meteorologist and therefore very logical and sometimes takes himself and his life too seriously.  His wife is incredibly gracious and sweet, just a little quiet and passive.  In other words, I'm the opposite of them.  I'm outspoken, opinionated, blunt, talkative, I constantly am making jokes, etc.   I think it always takes a bit of getting used to on both parts.  I always end up feeling incredibly insecure around his family - something that I normally am not - because I feel like I come off too strong or something.  His family is all from the Midwest and I'm born and raised in LA with a loud Israeli family. Half the time my family and I are out to dinner people think that we're arguing where in reality that's just the way that we are - LOUD. Do any of you have similar situations with your boyfriend's/husband's families?

We went out to eat, went on a gorgeous 4 hour hike to the top of a mountain, played the amazing Nintendo Wii, and just lounged.  Oh yeah - we also ate.  A TON of carbs and fat.  I'm looking real hot today. 

And although you're in nature and the crime rate is low, and the kind of house that C and I could afford there is literally 7 times the size of our current apartment, I'm still happy that I can come home to LA.  Where I can be myself without fear of judgment, and it's easier to eat healthily than not, and most importantly - you can buy alcohol on Sundays.  And I'm NOT joking.  We cooked last night and I couldn't find wine.  And don't think for a second that that wasn't a big deal.

What a weekend...

GUESS what I did this weekend? 

I went to VEGAS, baby!!!

How's that for spontaneous.  This was my weekend:

Friday night, C and I went to our friend's going-away party at a local Irish pub.  All of our friends were there which was great since lately I feel like we have been seeing everyone less and less.  I had a few drinks and NO food at all so even though the night was so much fun, by 12 I was ready to go.

Unfortunately, by 12 C was just getting started.  Some of his closest friends (you know, the single guys who I like but C LOVES and always treasures his time with them) just arrived and were buying him beers left and right.  At this point most of my girlfriends and the couples were gone.  So I was hungry, tired and not really into playing darts with C and his bros or whatever the hell they call themselves.  I gave C the "let's go home and eat and have sex and fall asleep" look and he gave me the "hell no I'm having fun" look.  WTF?  I immediately start getting angry because in my mind, I should be his number one priority and what boyfriend CHOOSES to hang with the guys over going home with his girlfriend???  (Yes, I know I became Mrs. mc-sensative).  The final straw was when I overheard him talking to his friend who's in a marriage with absolutely no love and the married guy goes "I DON'T envy you".  That was it.  I just got up and left.  No goodbye's - nothing.  Surprisingly, C followed and we got into a loud screaming fight in front of the Valet on Sunset Blvd.  EXACTLY what I want to be doing on my Friday night.

My car got there and C got in.  I keep telling him "just go, it's ok.  I'll be fine. Go have fun". He didn't but he looked  pissed. This turned into a huge thing as I ended up telling him "I don't think we're right for each other".  He told me he didn't want to talk about it because he was drunk.  The thing is, the SECOND I told him that I knew I was lying.  I just was feeling over dramatic and angry and humiliated so I said that.  And he knows me and he knows himself so he decided not to engage. We got home, I started to sob hysterically, he laid next to me and we fell asleep.   

The next morning I woke up sad.  He woke up after me and tried to pretend nothing had happened the night before.  He was incredibly cheerful and accommodating to me.  I couldn't let it go (don't you LOVE us girls?).  We then got into a long, draining, emotional conversation about us and where we are going and how we feel.

(Sidenote:  This could turn into the longest post ever so I will tell you the short of it.  C and I have had a very tumultuous relationship for the most part and only in the last year have we felt really solid and strong and in love.  So, of course, then marriage is next on the agenda.  I used to never feel ready and I don't think C did either until a few months ago when we started to talk about it and get really excited.  Then: BAM - three couples very close around us broke up - one is ending a long relationship, one called off the engagement and one is divorcing.  We couldn't help but get affected.  It made us start to question our own relationship - you know, to make sure that we still love each other and that we are right for each other and etc... Plus, I'm an over thinker and an over analyzer by nature and not working and having all the time in the world to do that has caused me to pick fights left and right.)

For the first time I felt a little doubt in C's eyes and I literally lost it.  I guess I never realized that he could have doubt.  I just always thought that I was the crazy one and I would always doubt every choice I made.  When he opened up to me I felt like my life was crumbling.  Literally.  He hugged me and told me he still loves me and wants to be with me but our fighting lately has freaked him out.  I told him that I was so sorry to pick fights and be so controlling and that I would really try hard to be supportive and not fight and try to be his mother.  He told me he would try to understand where I was coming from more and not do so many things that would lead to me getting angry.  After a lot of tears and seriously the BEST sex we've had in two years, we felt renewed and almost like we got out of a slump.

So what did we do?  We went to Vegas.  (And NO - we didn't get married)...

I was taking a shower and by the time I got out C had booked a room at the Paris and had put my suitcase on the bed.  I was jumping up and down and packed in 20 minutes (which hello? Is a MIRACLE in itself).  We got in the car at 1 pm and were in Vegas at 5. 

It ended up being a great weekend.  We gambled (roulette is SO much fun but only when you're drunk.  When you're sober you care too much when you lose), ate (um I seriously gained 7 pounds in 24 hours), drank (I don't know why but Vegas has the BEST bloody mary's around) and fell in love all over again.  Why?  Cause we just had fun.  No talks about our relationship - no other friends or phone calls to distract us.  Just us and each other.  And Wheel of Fortune slots.  Those machines rule.